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Help support the publication of Trimaris' finest parody newsletter and look great at the same time! We charge only $1 above what CafePress charges us to make each item.

Please note: product links will open in a new window. Products not shown to scale. Click on the image or item name to order. If you've taken fever and actually decide to order more than one thing, you can close each ordering window to come back here rather than clicking the "Keep Shopping" button (since the items are spread out over a number of CafePress "stores").

Clothing Items

Captain Teutonic T-Shirt Issue 17 T-Shirt Charles Oðinn T-Shirt
Captain Teutonic T-Shirt

Evildoers Beware! Captain Teutonic is here! Silent and brooding, this Byronic hero defends the SCA from the likes of filkers and RPGers!
$14.99; add $3 for XXL or larger
Issue 17 T-Shirt

Captain Teutonic is back, in a special crossover issue with Prudish Man! The cover for Issue 17 springs to vibrant life on this full-color T-shirt.
$14.99; add $3 for XXL or larger
Charles Oðinn T-Shirt

Hey Wire Weenie! Buy this T-shirt and those heavy-weapons bullies will stop kicking sand in your face! Well, they probably won't, but at least they'll be laughing while they do it.
$14.99; add $3 for XXL or larger
  Captain Teutonic Boxer Shorts  
  Captain Teutonic Boxer Shorts

Need someone to protect the family jewels? Captain Teutonic is on the job! These comfortable boxers have the Champion of Authenticity tastefully emblazoned on the right thigh. Alternate placements not available, you perverts.

Drinking Accessories

Captain Teutonic Coffee Mug Catain Teutonic Tile Coaster Drusilla Tile Coaster
Captain Teutonic Coffee Mug

Start your day with Captain Teutonic and your favorite caffeinated beverage!
11-oz dishwasher-safe ceramic mug; $11.99
Captain Teutonic Tile Coaster

Let Captain Teutonic protect your fine Venetian aumbrey from drink rings with this genuine faux marble coaster!
4.25" x 4.25", $5.50
Drusilla Tile Coaster

Keep your fine Renaissance furniture from getting water rings when you put your frosty tankard on this handsome tile coaster from The Quarter, emblazoned with our heraldically incorrect logo.
4.25" x 4.25", $5.50


Issue 17 Poster   Charles Oðinn Poster
Issue 17 Poster

The cover to Issue 17 rendered in full color, at an astonishing 23"x35" size. Perfect for covering up the holes in that wall where you practice target archery when the landlord comes visiting! Or get the smaller version if you're a better shot.
Large (23"x35") poster; $16.99
Small (13"x20") poster; $12.99
  Charles Oðinn Poster

The Charles Oðinn Fighter Training Course advertisement, now big enough to actually read that small print! Like the Issue 17 cover, this comes in two sizes.
Large (23"x35") poster; $16.99
Small (13"x20") poster; $12.99

Other Junk

The Quarter Wall Clock   Captain Teutonic Flying disc
The Quarter Wall Clock

Let The Quarter's mascot, Drusilla, help you keep an eye on all the time you're wasting reading this drivel.
10-inch diameter, $11.99
  Captain Teutonic Flying Disc

Throw Captain Teutonic around the park with this completely non-period entertainment device. He'll never know!
9¼-inch disc; $7.49

The Quarter - Be afraid. Be very afraid.