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The Quarter Classified
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Legals

Notice of sale by King of England and France - the Vexen. To be sold at public auction, Saturday, July 13, 1182 on the premises of Chignon castle, in consideration of marriage to a princess of the royal blood.

Invitation to evacuate the premises of the combined kingdoms of Castille and Aragon. All Jews and Moslems must emigrate within the next 90 days. All inquiries should be sent to the law firm of: Ferdinand, Isabella, Innocent and Torquemada.

Kingdom law amendment 2713 subsection F: To fight in Crown Tournament, entrant must be in possession of one (1) clue.

Announcements - 1

2 - Lost

Arrow, near Sherwood Forest. Write box RH

Large fleet of ships, near coast of England, Write box F1A

3 - Happy Ads

Tommy A. Becket, sorry. Love and Kisses Hank II

Marlowe didn't write my plays. Bill

Dear Merowald, we'll always have Pennsic. M.Mushroom

Dear Galileo, the Pope has lifted the excommunication, please come home.

Nice girl, nice family... she's a consort! Rex

4- Personals

S - single M - married D- divorced WD- widow WW - widower E - eunuch N/A - not applicable KM- knight male WJ - white jester LF - landed female GP - gay pagan WD - white duke VS - virgin saint MM - merry man AF - angry female VI - village idiot MEP - middle eastern persona

Ronin Celtic cavalier, SWM, seeks SWF for mutual pursuit of the dream.

Knight errant, poet, jouster seeks SLF. Must be fertile, send picture of lands.

Recent WW, seeks marriage-minded woman. Must be willing to convert. Box H8

Discreet older royal gentleman seeks attractive, young male companion for travel to the Near East. Write Box R1.

Who will rid me of this meddlesome priest? Write Box H2

SVS seeks same for platonic relationship. No smokers or heretics. Must have own unicorn.

MMEP seeks SWFMEP, follower of Allah, to be fourth wife.

Financials and Business Opportunities - 50

Having trouble getting your inventions noticed? We can help you get your ideas to market. Call 1-800-DAVINCI

Turn lead to gold, ask me how. Get my booklet for only 39 silver marks Write Georg Faust 555-ALCHEMY

Inventors' Guild seeking patrons. Inventions include: Paper, thumbscrews, moveable type, inside the skull heretic scrambler, stirrups.

Real Estate - 100

Lots available for interested buyers. Lovely island location, great farmland, plenty of sun- shine, few neighbors. Call 1-800-ERICRED, ask for Leif.

Must sell: Beautiful castle in scenic Harfleur. Motivated seller. Includes serfs.

Education and Schools - 250

YOU'RE HIRED! Live the life of a guild certified Jester. For those who qualify you have a place in our next class at the College of Meraldry. Scholarships and Job placement assistance available.

Machiavelli School of Political Studies — Do you need the skills it takes to run an independent city-state? Are you worried that you might not be ruthless enough to make the really important decisions? Join us in our intimate educational setting for in depth study of what it takes to be a good tyrant. Sforza accredited Small student to teacher ratio. Call for info 1-800-APRINCE

Nobility School of Dance — Learn Pavanne, Bransle, Basso, Rhumba, Galliard, Kabuki.

Roger and Francis Bacon Technological Institute — Learn important career skills: calligraphy, juggling, bloodletting, divining, astrology, rune casting. Learn the secrets of spontaneous generation, Malthusian population dynamics, phlogisten, alchemy, transmutation.

Earn your MRS. in 6 short months. Lucretia Borgia's Finishing School for Young Ladies.

Employment - 300

Nanny/bouncer needed for 2 rambunctious princes. Write box R3

Troops sought for New World Explorations. The Kingdom of Spain has openings in the following specialties: Soldier, Laborer, Missionaries, Inquisitors, Cabin boy.

Be all you can be... in the Clergy. The Jesuits, we're looking for a few good theologians.

Global Theatrical Production Company has openings for ghost writers. Call 1-800-THEBARD

Sailors sought for spice trade, travel to the Indies, more. Call 1-800-COLUMBO

Temporary employment opportunities for skilled farmhands, call 1-800-VILLEIN. Training provided, earn while you learn. Also, positions available in the New World, live the exciting life of an indentured servant.

The King of England and France has openings for soldiers and military support personnel for next Chevauche into his French territories. Serious inquiries only.

Prince of the Blood, CEO, seeks position with incorporated realm. Salary and Titles negotiable contact J. Gaunt

Library of Alexandria seeking reference librarian. Firefighting skills a plus.

Merchandise & Services- 400

Chalice - used once only. Contact Joseph@Aramathea.com

Arthur Merlin Dance Studios. Once in a lifeftime opportunity to purchase 'Sword-in-a Stone' disco ball.

Pope-heal' Pocket Fisherman. Yours for only 30 pieces of silver. 555-IMJUDAS.

Saint's bones, various. Contact sanders@kfc.com Specify denomination.

30 day membership in Cloth of Gold's Gym. Introductory offer. Includes full use of tilting barriers, pells, and the new Joust-Master 1550. Squires need not apply.

Indulgences, all makes and models. 15% off this month only, scratch & dent extra 20% discount. Previously owned models also available at 10% over factory invoice. Call 1-800-THEPOPE

Tower of London Records. NEW! Song of Roland extended dance mix

Inquisition Adult Lifestyle Gifts. Torture devices, marital aids, lotions. 1-800-GOTOHEL.

Coats of Arms, any style, no point in differencing, arms while you wait, will pass anything $5 Ordinaries extra. Foreign currency accepted: 2.5 Lbs, 3 marks, 8.7 million lira, 1 florin. No groats or yen, please. Contact the College of Meraldry. Also see our Business Opp. ad.

Nobility Singles Connection. Ensure the succession of your dynasty.

Rose & Garter Escort Service. 24 hour on-call consorts. Call 1-800-AAWENCH.

MagAnon - Magic card players Anonymous offers 12 step program to kick cardboard crack.

Recreation - 550

Tour Holy Lands. Call 1-800-CRUSADE

Nuts!


The Quarter - What a bunch of crazy kids!