Hi there, I'm Johan Albrechtson, and I got really cheesed off that some people seem to think that only Peers are worth interviewing, so I've asked The Quarter to let me do my own interview column! It's easy to forget that it takes lots of hard work by dedicated people — not all of whom are Peers — to keep the SCA running smoothly, so I sought out such a person for this interview.
Unfortunately, they were all too busy, so this month's interview is with Lord Nebbish, third assistant under-herald to the Master of the Lysts. Lord Nebbish is responsible for making sure that the right fighters are called to the field for each bout. Lord Nebbish, how do you handle the responsibility of such a difficult job?
LN: Well, I —
JA: That's nice. And —
LN: Hey! I wasn't finished!
JA: Oh, sorry. You were saying?
LN: As Dinghy Herald, it is my task to ensure the proper pronunciation for each name. Even if that pronunciation differs from the way the fighter himself pronounces it, because we Heralds know the right way to do these things. Or should I say, the dexter way to do them. Ha ha ha (snort) — OW! Why'd you hit me?
JA: Sorry, my hand slipped. Do go on.
LN: Anyway, I make sure that each fighter's name is properly spoken, and when I announce the victor, I let the loser go out in a blazon of glory. Ha ha ha (snort) — OW!
JA: Oops, my hand slipped again. My apologies. And what other duties do you perform?
LN: Oh, I don't have any other duties. We heralds are an extremely specialized group. There's the Foghorn Herald, who coordinates crying the camp; the Flatbottom Herald, who makes sure all the benches are arranged properly for the heralds' meetings; the Shipwreck Herald, who doesn't actually do anything, but we gave him a title so the Kingdom would buy him a computer; the Troopship Herald; the Luxury Yacht Herald, who makes —
JA: Wait a minute. What does the Troopship Herald do?
LN: Oh, uh, she makes sure that all heralds become Pelicans.
JA: AHA! I knew there was a pattern!
LN: Do you want to hear a heralds' joke?
JA: Not particularly, no.
LN: How many heralds does it take to change a light bulb?
JA: I don't really care.
LN: Don't be silly! You can't put metal on metal! Ha ha ha (snort) ha ha (snort) — OW!
JA: Well, that's about all the space we have in this issue. I hope you enjoyed this little chat with Lord Nebbish as much as I did, and always remember — whether you have a pointy hat or not, true nobility resides in the heart.