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Wacky Woodkut Kaption Kontest!

Last Month's Woodkut

The people have spoken! Here are the results of our on-line voting:

1. "Next on the shire's agenda, we... for the last time, would the two gentlemen in the back PLEASE stop humping the columns?!"
    — Submitted by Rhys Wilkerson

2. As the audience reaction to his talk on 15thC Paris changed from stunned silence to whispering and laughter, it dawned on Michael that he'd forgotten to lace up his codpiece.
    — Submitted by Crispin Sexi

3. (tie) What REALLY goes on in a typical peerage meeting
    — Submitted by A Naughty Apprentice

"No, I was wrong - move it back the other way."
    — Submitted by Fiore Dellarosa

The entire list of entries, as well as the voting results, may be seen in the previous issue.

The submission and voting period are over
Here are the submissions our readers sent in, sorted by votes received:


Kaptions Submitted by Our Readers:

After blowing for about 20 minutes Mistress Hildegarde determined that a frog's ass is INDEED watertight.
(Submitted by Cameron Ian MacLaird) [5 votes]

Th...THREE warty backed frogs on the wall...three...warty take one down...ugh
(Submitted by Rhys Morgan) [5 votes]

::sniff:: ::sniff:: I think THIS one may be able to win Crown for me!
(Submitted by A Random Atlantian) [4 votes]

Complete Anachonist booklets have a disclaimer inside the front cover for exactly this reason.
(Submitted by Crispin Sexi) [4 votes]

Normally, Your Highness, a kiss suffices!
(Submitted by Lady Aeruin as Sruth Waleis, Caid) [4 votes]

Tastes like chicken!!
(Submitted by Lady Rhubarb) [4 votes]

My husband will never know.
(Submitted by Mike) [3 votes]

Pennsic Cautionary Tales: What happens when the booze fund runs dry.
(Submitted by A learn'ed Bog Stomper) [2 votes]

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a ... no, wait a minute ...
(Submitted by Grímolfr Einarsson) [2 votes]

No! No!!! You have to kiss its MOUTH to turn him into a Prince
(Submitted by Demetria) [2 votes]

How many frogs would you have to lick to equal the nutrition found in one bowl of Total?
(Submitted by Lady Bea) [2 votes]

A morning routine that works better then coffee.
(Submitted by Raven) [1 votes]

Yet another court toady kiss up.
(Submitted by Elinor) [1 votes]

Sir Peter told me this was the way he won crown
(Submitted by Floppy the veal) [1 votes]

"There's got to be an easier way to become a Princess"
(Submitted by Baron Goetz von der Krautlache (Calontir)) [1 votes]

I said wear woad, not toad!
(Submitted by Lisabetta) [1 votes]

Knowing that KISSING a frog turns them into a prince, Lady Gueneviere decided to turn them into former US Presidents.
(Submitted by [1 votes]

Well, this sure beats working for Budweiser!
(Submitted by Owen ap Robert) [1 votes]

Edwina presents the latest embroidery technique.
(Submitted by Meuryc) [1 votes]

"When seeking one's own Enchanted Prince, the smart do-it-yourselfer should first endeavor to separate the male frogs from the female frogs."
(Submitted by Mistress Martha Stuart) [1 votes]

Early experiments with contact lenses, were not all successful
(Submitted by V-man) [1 votes]

...Wow sudenly celtic knotwork makes sense!
(Submitted by A foriegn Laurel) [1 votes]

Not sure about the Anthrax Ripple, but here's proof that Crunchy Frog candies are period.
(Submitted by Nicolaa de Bracton) [1 votes]

Who would have thought these things were inflatable!
(Submitted by Not Your Auntie Em - Emma Randall) [1 votes]

Mmmmmm........ Hallucinogenic frogs.
(Submitted by NorphTehDwarf, Lord Steward of w00tness and Supreme Overlord of the Couch) [1 votes]

"Maybe the seventy-fifth time's the charm....::smooch::....S*&t! Another damned frog!
(Submitted by Bebhinn) [1 votes]

Well, it'll either turn this thing into a prince or get me high!
(Submitted by Flanna Dunwalton) [1 votes]

"Take three frogs and call me in the morning..." that's the weirdest cold remedy I ever herad of!!
(Submitted by Talon Leatherwing) [0 votes]

Abagail, the addict, is caught licking toads. "I'm not NOT licking toads", she claimed.
(Submitted by Justinus Bonacolli) [0 votes]

Abagail, the addict, is caught licking toads. "I'm not NOT licking toads", she claimed.
(Submitted by Justinus Bonacolli) [0 votes]

I'm not NOT licking toads
(Submitted by particus hardicus) [0 votes]

"pffft....pfffft....pfffft...." This is the *last* time I agree to help with hall decorations! Baloon frogs indeed!
(Submitted by One of those pesky MacAoidhs) [0 votes]

I wish they'd invent a microscope already, biology class sucketh.
(Submitted by Silver) [0 votes]

Dame Martha Stewart screamed, "Fresh frogs, I sent you for FRESH frogs!" Her hand curled in its familar clench of anger. "Heads are going to roll, someone might even lose a career", she thought gleefully.
(Submitted by Maras Qaylah) [0 votes]

My eye! My eye!!
(Submitted by Maiwen, An Tir) [0 votes]

Now if only I had some ice cream....
(Submitted by Eirika) [0 votes]

Sure frogs give me gas, but they're so CHEWY & TASTY!
(Submitted by Baron Fridrikr from AEthelmearc) [0 votes]

Hmmm, lets see.. Nope, this one isn't a prince either! If I didn't know any better, I'd swear someones pulling my leg...
(Submitted by Nathaniel of Concordia) [0 votes]

Damm ! Still no Prince
(Submitted by Melkor Stoneteeth) [0 votes]

Lady Arabeth remained convinced that kidding the right frog would one day make her Princess
(Submitted by Elinor Montague) [0 votes]

... and whenever she did so, nobody even noticed her horribly disfigured hand.
(Submitted by Rhys Wilkerson) [0 votes]

Just another edition of Medieval Fear Factor...
(Submitted by Godwin Talfourd of York) [0 votes]

Woooooaaaaahhhh, that's good frog!
(Submitted by Ulfrikr inn Hrafn) [0 votes]

So THATS where they are made!
(Submitted by Sean) [0 votes]

Yep, it's fresh.
(Submitted by Vangelista di Antonio Dellaluna) [0 votes]

Male or female? How can you tell?
(Submitted by Conrad the Mad, Mid realm) [0 votes]

that would make his thingy about that big...
(Submitted by john tobako) [0 votes]

Yes, Virginia, there really is a town called Toad Suck in Meridies
(Submitted by Morgan Rowanwaif) [0 votes]

Preheat oven to 450, place in...wait.. I think they taste just fine without all of this Betty Crocker crap. At the least, they smell great!
(Submitted by Dan) [0 votes]

...ah, those pregnancy cravings...
(Submitted by alia) [0 votes]

Come on, Frog. My keys were on the table no more than 5 seconds ago! You best let me have them.
(Submitted by Karl) [0 votes]

Lady, we keep telling you, we are just frogs, that's all there is. Enough with the kissing, we are getting a rash.
(Submitted by Sasha) [0 votes]

Abigail took the Peers advice and just as she said "after eating a dead frog first thing in the morning, the rest of the day was indeed much better"
(Submitted by Kythe, Jester of the East Kingdom) [0 votes]

Before the invention of the Internet, people had to find their fun where they could.
(Submitted by Eliane) [0 votes]

The best cure for depression is to like the sweat from a frog. The only problem is, as soon as you stop, the frog gets depressed again.
(Submitted by Elizabeth McLaren) [0 votes]

It's all fun and amphibians until someone loses an eye...
(Submitted by Branwen OhEidersceoil) [0 votes]

A scene from the medieval mystery play "Alien"
(Submitted by Lord Ferris) [0 votes]

Hey I've paid 25p its my turn to be "Kissed"
(Submitted by Pectoralis) [0 votes]

See, Stan, I toldja -- college girls go for group amplexus.
(Submitted by Brendan, who can't believe he wrote that) [0 votes]

Alisaundre couldn't figure out how the cooks prepared frogs' legs, so she decided to ask the frog. "Eat my legs?" asked the frog indignantly. "No, m'lady, I shall eat your face instead!"
(Submitted by Belaset) [0 votes]

Illustration from "Amphibians", the 1523 story that inspired "Alien"...
(Submitted by El Hermoso Dormido) [0 votes]

"Now what did that old hag say about kissing a frog to find a prince? Or was it pinch a frog to find a prince?"
(Submitted by Kissed a lot of frogs in my time) [0 votes]

::::Smooch:::::: ::::Smooch:::::: ::::Smooch:::::: nothign yet? Did you take your viagra?
(Submitted by A.Nonnie Maus from Midrealm) [0 votes]

Medieval Stoners - The only way to fry...
(Submitted by Lady Danica Nemanjaviaea) [0 votes]

The next person to talk too loud during Court will be toad!
(Submitted by [0 votes]

She didn't know much about food, but that Frenchman had been SO excited about the idea of frogs legs she had to try it!
(Submitted by Evaine ni MacGreger) [0 votes]

"There's gotta be a prince among these SOMEwhere!"
(Submitted by THL Jared Alexandre Blaydeaux, Caid) [0 votes]

Mistress Fiona's worst nightmares are actualized
(Submitted by Mistress Fiona) [0 votes]

Madeline heard stories from all her sisters dear, that if she kissed a frog into a prince, she would be married within the year. She kissed a many little toads, but all she got were warts and funny looks. So Madeline, saddened by the failure, sniffed up
(Submitted by Rosaline Wright) [0 votes]

Poor Lady Gwen. She thought her father said "At the market, pick a dog". Musta been using cellular.
(Submitted by Princess Sophie of Braveheart) [0 votes]

Lady Dementa carefully selects only the freshest frogs for her feast menu
(Submitted by KurleyQ) [0 votes]

Now serving 72.
(Submitted by Sean At Bored With Porn Dot Org) [0 votes]

Blowing up these party balloons is giving me such a headache!
(Submitted by Dyrfinna) [0 votes]

Okay, maybe this *should* be my last shot of tequila...
(Submitted by The Flaming Valkyrie, An Tir) [0 votes]

Ths one MUST be from the Lochac
(Submitted by Lady Kyna Terricsdottir) [0 votes]

Make haste, Patsy .... my frog suit! .... the velvet one this time.
(Submitted by Gaston de Poitou) [0 votes]

... and that, Your Honor, is how this 14 year old girl got into my hotel room!
(Submitted by Despina de la Brasov) [0 votes]

Alice: If I lick the LEFT leg, I'll be tall again!
(Submitted by Bethany Ramsay) [0 votes]

Im not not licking toads if thats what your asking
(Submitted by Torr) [0 votes]

You must kiss alot of frogs to be made a queen
(Submitted by Aoibhinn ingen Artan) [0 votes]

Nope...I still don't feel anything...
(Submitted by A twisted An Tirian Squire) [0 votes]

See, Captain Teutonic? Toad-licking *IS* period!
(Submitted by The Bi-Baronial Bahr) [0 votes]

Mistress Mary, down to the last three frogs in her tireless search for the baby's father.
(Submitted by Galienne de Bayonne) [0 votes]

Whada mean pregnant? I have only been kissing frogs to turn them into princes...
(Submitted by Carlwyn of Canterbury) [0 votes]

Very well, milady, I shall kiss you and turn you back into a beautiful frog.
(Submitted by William the Younger (from Ealdormere)) [0 votes]

Um, aren't these frog's legs supposed to be cooked first?
(Submitted by Ivanna Newname) [0 votes]

Alien, the Dark Ages! Coming soon to a theater near you!
(Submitted by An Outlander with too much time on his hands) [0 votes]

I'm not sure, Lord Chiurgeon, it started as a wimple on my flipper,and now look at it...
(Submitted by Eibhear) [0 votes]

oooohhhhh .... My Knight who swings rattan .... .... has to be here somewhere ....
(Submitted by Sadb) [0 votes]

"ooh....this had better work....father will disinherit me if I kiss another frog into a princess"
(Submitted by Bebhinn) [0 votes]

The Quarter - We're more fun than a barrel full of seneschals!