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Wacky Woodkut Kaption Kontest!


Last Month's Woodkut The people have spoken! Here are the results of our on-line voting:

First place (tie)

After blowing for about 20 minutes Mistress Hildegarde determined that a frog's ass is INDEED watertight.
    — Submitted by Cameron Ian MacLaird

Th... THREE warty backed frogs on the wall... three... warty backed... frogs... you take one down... ugh...
    — Submitted by Rhys Morgan

Second place (four-way tie)

::sniff:: ::sniff:: I think THIS one may be able to win Crown for me!
    — Submitted by A Random Atlantean

Tastes like chicken!
    — Submitted by Lady Rhubarb

Normally, Your Highness, a kiss suffices!
    — Submitted by Lady Aeruin as Sruth Waleis, Caid

Complete Anachronist booklets have a disclaimer inside the front cover for exactly this reason.
    — Submitted by Crispin Sexi

The entire list of entries, as well as the voting results, may be seen in the previous issue.




The submission and voting period are over
Here are the submissions our readers sent in, sorted by votes received:


???

Kaptions Submitted by Our Readers:

Come come now! You did volunteer to judge the A&S competition.
(Submitted by Jan Kees Dudel d'Ende) [5 votes]

I TOLD you to stay away from those plague rats! Now, you'll feel much better after we Chirurgeons complete this emergency tracheotomy. Just hold still, because anesthesia hasn't been invented yet.
(Submitted by Iustinos Tekton) [2 votes]

Stop poking me!
(Submitted by James de Biblesworth, Atlantia) [2 votes]

Oh my god!!! Those aren't raisins!!!
(Submitted by Rhys Morgan) [2 votes]

Michael ! Move your hand! I can't re-inflate your nose with you pushing on it!
(Submitted by Amanda Leslie) [1 votes]

Being at high table does indeed require a sense of humor.
(Submitted by Katarina Peregrine, Midrealm) [1 votes]

Duchess Elspeth is still seeking those good gentles who have not yet been recognized for their contributions to period cooking.
(Submitted by A Naughty Apprentice) [1 votes]

Step one to ridding the SCA of those lurking elves and vampires... invite them over for dinner and serve them laxative-soaked raisins.
(Submitted by Guda Hedda) [1 votes]

Forsooth! It will not taste of rat ... upon my honor!
(Submitted by Lilith of the Flames) [1 votes]

It was in AS XXXVII that the BOD instituted an new "No Hazing of the Newbies" policy.
(Submitted by Lady Elinor) [1 votes]

Well you shouldn't have worn those rabbit ears then!
(Submitted by Herr Alexander Adelbrecht von Merklingen, Midrealm) [1 votes]

Oh, im sorry, did I blind you?? I thought you were dinner
(Submitted by Herr Alexander Adelbrecht von Merklingen, Midrealm) [1 votes]

C'mon Roger, you bet you would eat every mouse the cat caught and you LOST!!!
(Submitted by Ian fitz Patric) [1 votes]

Ok this time you wear the ears!
(Submitted by The Walrus --) [1 votes]

I sobered up.. and I got to think'n.. lady you ain't much fun since I quit drink'n
(Submitted by Don Pieter Rausch Bjornsborg, Ansteorra) [1 votes]

No they don't taste like malt balls!
(Submitted by Sian Siosal) [1 votes]

Yes I am alive, I mearly broke wind. Now put down that stick and open the window
(Submitted by A. Flavius Brittannicus) [1 votes]

After being feed another mouse, Jester swears to kill the cat when his wife next heads to market.
(Submitted by Lady Teagan Grenfeld) [1 votes]

Come now, I know it tastes bad, but you want rid of those ears. Right? Look what happened to the others.
(Submitted by Caitriona inghean Ui Bhraonain) [1 votes]

Testing the theory, it's all fun and games until someone looses an eye.
(Submitted by Bjorn Egilsson) [1 votes]

It tastes horrible! But if it will shrink my ears back to normal...
(Submitted by Mistress Zinaida) [1 votes]

Little Timmy pactices for the lead in the play "Oedipus" with his mother.
(Submitted by Cameron Ian Maclaird) [1 votes]

Cod liver oil killed the cat.
(Submitted by Lady Persephone) [0 votes]

Well...I told you NOT to lick the blade didn't I? We'll just hold it in place til the wound closes.
(Submitted by HL Ysfael) [0 votes]

now darlin, take you medicen or i'll have to call Rowen for some "B Quil"
(Submitted by maker of "B Quil") [0 votes]

Damn, if only I had gotten a dog instead.
(Submitted by Lore Bubeck) [0 votes]

How embarrassing, everytime she pokes me with that stick a mouse comes out of my pant leg.
(Submitted by Patience The Impetuous) [0 votes]

Go toot yer own horn woman!
(Submitted by Lady Rhubarb) [0 votes]

Let's see, we've got a cup, a sword, an orb... Well, that rules out mice as a card suit.
(Submitted by Avery) [0 votes]

After drugging the house jester, the Mistress really gets down to some fun
(Submitted by Parlan MacGillivray, West) [0 votes]

"Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down..."
(Submitted by Lady Tusya Tatiana Sudosseva, Kingdom of the West) [0 votes]

I know my jokes have been bad lately, but I don't need my brains stirred with a stick, thank you!
(Submitted by Cateline Margoteau de Carcassonne) [0 votes]

"Here, this will cure your hang-over and no, I did not see a pink cat chasing mice go by. That must have ben one wild Vigil you attended."
(Submitted by Lady Tatsumi Tomoko) [0 votes]

I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole! But a one foot pole is another story.
(Submitted by Baroness Isabelle the Fair) [0 votes]

Peas Porridge Hot, Peas Porridge Cold, peas porridge anywhere but up your nose....
(Submitted by Wilhelm von Dusseldorf) [0 votes]

Twenty more mice eyes, and I become the Cat God! Push harder, milady!
(Submitted by Dior Alagrant) [0 votes]

But I don't WANT to be a ball-bearing mousetrap!
(Submitted by Magda Bathory) [0 votes]

Eat the rat, man-animal!!!
(Submitted by Lady Kytte Wynpeny) [0 votes]

"See! See! If the cat can eat a live rat...SO CAN YOU!"
(Submitted by Maurin Agrona MacLachlan (Bastille Du Lac)) [0 votes]

...and after that, Gawaine swore he'd never eat another SCA feast.
(Submitted by Rhys Wilkerson) [0 votes]

Betcha can't eat just one!
(Submitted by Valerie the Valkerie) [0 votes]

I don't care what you say! Rat Turds can't possibly be good for me!
(Submitted by Batwench in the Middle) [0 votes]

Stp poking me!
(Submitted by James de Biblesworth, Atlantia) [0 votes]

After she cut off their tails with a carving knife, the farmer's wife didn't waste them.
(Submitted by Mistress Reynarda of the Sympdom) [0 votes]

now now it will only hurt for a minute, them you die.
(Submitted by Tarquin Bjornsson) [0 votes]

If I won't smell your finger, what makes you think I'll sniff THAT?!?
(Submitted by Aethelmearc Ruffian) [0 votes]

4 blind mice, 4 blind.... *ROOAAR CRUNCH* ...3 blind mice, 3 blind mice
(Submitted by Aethelmearc Ruffian) [0 votes]

was my joke that bad? or are you dead?
(Submitted by Conrad the Mad, Mid realm) [0 votes]

You say you're an alien from where? And this is your sex organ in my hands?? Oh, my!
(Submitted by Lady Anna Maria della Fiore) [0 votes]

Say "Aaaah!" - Only one more tooth to go...
(Submitted by Acarin Saint-Cyr, Drachenwald) [0 votes]

The lobotomy project.
(Submitted by Sir Seanus) [0 votes]

The fool of clan Yakuza prepares to pay the price for dropping his juggling...
(Submitted by Osbourn Hrothgarson) [0 votes]

Mmmmm.... Hallucinogenic frogs!
(Submitted by tehdude) [0 votes]

Once Elizabeth found out about how it made Thomas' ears stand on end she was jamming a stick into his nostrils every chance she got.
(Submitted by Cameron Ian MacLaird) [0 votes]

Mistress GoodeWimple! Don't poke me THERE!
(Submitted by Ursula Messerschmitt) [0 votes]

"tickle, tickle tickle! laugh damn you, you're a Jester you're supposed to be laughing!"
(Submitted by Aloyisious McKearacher) [0 votes]

If you don't eat your peas I swear I will feed you the tails of those 3 blind mice!
(Submitted by Cameron Ian MacLaird) [0 votes]



The Quarter - None asked nor given!