Return Home

Wacky Woodkut Kaption Kontest!


Last Month's Woodkut The people have spoken! Here are the results of our on-line voting:

First place

Rusty walks in on EVERY rooster's fantasy....
(Submitted by Evan QuickTongue)

Second place

Better put this back, the recipe only calls for one egg
(Submitted by HL Sireena de Artopeous)

Third place (tie)

Sibbota worked long and hard on her Medieval Sciences project: "Which Came First?"
(Submitted by Erythrorhynchos of Atlantia)

"And that, children, is where Pelicans come from."
(Also Submitted by Erythrorhynchos of Atlantia)

The entire list of entries, as well as the voting results, may be seen in the previous issue (#20).




The submission and voting period are over
Here are the submissions our readers sent in, sorted by votes received:


???

Kaptions Submitted by Our Readers:

The Original "Girls Gone Wild" woodcuts were a huge seller.
(Submitted by A Random Atlantian) [11 votes]

Rude Lute Dudes Ruin Nude Beaut's Mood, Poop Ensues
(Submitted by Mistress Jessa d'Avondale) [3 votes]

"Alas, my love you do me wrong, to cast me offal discourteously. And I had loved you so long, in spite of your public nudity."
(Submitted by Iustinos Tekton) [3 votes]

I told you I'd throw up if I heard Greensleeves one more time!
(Submitted by Lady Gianetta del Bene) [2 votes]

Nice try, but I don't think she has forgiven you.
(Submitted by Crispin Sexi) [2 votes]

"What!? No beads!?"
(Submitted by Norina de Lessley) [2 votes]

Sure, if you play the DRUMS, that's when the women in turbans dance -- but you're playing a lute, you fool!
(Submitted by Erythrorhynchos of Atlantia) [1 votes]

The king never understood why combining wandering minstrels with garbage collection was a bad idea.
(Submitted by Seadna of the Midrealm) [1 votes]

Oooh, hot toddy ...Hey!!!!!!
(Submitted by Gianotta Dallafiora) [1 votes]

"I said let down your HAIR!!...Not show us your pair!"
(Submitted by janeous Howeous of Biltonous) [1 votes]

And I thought Tatiana was the only woman ever to be interested in men with "ass's ear's."
(Submitted by Madeleine de Saint-Michel) [1 votes]

What part of "PISS OFF" don't you understand!
(Submitted by Omar Mohammud Mirzazadeh) [1 votes]

I thought I got rid of you jerks at the restaurant! Don't sing at my table, DON'T sing outside my window. Oh, and here's your TIP!!
(Submitted by Katarina Peregrine) [1 votes]

Throw me something, Master!
(Submitted by Rafny) [1 votes]

Drunk chicks have flashed bands since time immemorial
(Submitted by Xerxes of the Undulating Flesh) [1 votes]

Wow! THIS is the bard prize! I am SO going for Kingdom Bard!!!!
(Submitted by The red-headed step-apprentice from Atenveldt) [1 votes]

Making a clean breast of it, she finally rejects his jesters of affection
(Submitted by Morgan Blackheart) [1 votes]

this wasn't the first time the bards had had the contents of a chamberpot thrown at them, nor was it the last. It was, however, the first time someone had completely and utterly failed to get any on Ned.
(Submitted by King of Fools) [1 votes]

Judging by the color I'd say she's not well at all!
(Submitted by bart) [1 votes]

Groupies Revenge!
(Submitted by Petra Aghmighan) [1 votes]

The real reason Romeo was standing near Juliet's balcony, but he was disturbed to see so many others there before him
(Submitted by THL Francesca de Onorati) [1 votes]

"Dumbass hippies," she said as she tossed yet another ruined batch of soup out the window. "Always singing and playing that damn guitar."
(Submitted by Erythrorhynchos of Atlantia) [1 votes]

Do we throw the beads now?!?
(Submitted by Magnus McKinley) [1 votes]

In order to deal with the huge influx of heathen musicians, the Pope gave the local prostitutes special dispensation to perform midnight baptisms.
(Submitted by Mistress Jessa d'Avondale) [1 votes]

this rare and unique woodcut depicts a group of early street performers having a chamberpot emptied into their tip bucket. Interestingly enough, that very house burned down not two days after this woodcut was made.
(Submitted by King of Fools) [1 votes]

I can't figure out why all those nice men are always playing music for me!
(Submitted by Chris Warzin) [0 votes]

Spagetti, 4 1/2 meatballs, and a show
(Submitted by Marius, Atenveldt) [0 votes]

"This is what's known as 'chamber-pot music'
(Submitted by William D'Idyll) [0 votes]

"Hey Philipe, I don't think this is the right window." Philipe replies, "Look at the rack on her, do you really care?!"
(Submitted by Mademoiselle Henriette Gaston de Saint Denis) [0 votes]

Urban mermaid gives passing troubadours some tail.
(Submitted by Chandler) [0 votes]

Lady godiva tried everything she could think of to stop the minstrels singing to her discarded false eyelashes.
(Submitted by Dave of Lard) [0 votes]

"No!" means "No!" *splash* Get it now?
(Submitted by Ximena, a new Calontiri) [0 votes]

"SHOW US YOUR TEATS!"
(Submitted by Lascivius Belligerus) [0 votes]

'It's the oldest occupation in the world"
(Submitted by Jocatta) [0 votes]

Sorry, lady, wrong window... Let's pack it up boys.
(Submitted by Mademoiselle Henriette Gaston de Saint Denis) [0 votes]

here your payment , NOW go away my husband will be here soon
(Submitted by Daniel of Silverwaters) [0 votes]

Look, I've already got this whole dish full of beads, and my top is off already. Now get the hell away from my window.
(Submitted by Brom clancy) [0 votes]

"Look you've all had your turn, and I'm tired. So Bugger Off!"
(Submitted by Mel - Atlantia) [0 votes]

Nobody move! Mybe she won't see us.
(Submitted by Robere de Beauvais, Ealdormere) [0 votes]

Oh great! I just got these tights clean after our last gig.
(Submitted by Robere de Beauvais, Ealdormere) [0 votes]

We said "night solo", not "night soil"!
(Submitted by Isobel) [0 votes]

While emptying her chamber pot, Margaret Paston inadvertantly starts a tradition at the first Mardis Gra
(Submitted by Connor Sinclair) [0 votes]

Reverse Groupies.
(Submitted by Oengus Lok) [0 votes]

For god's sake, why can't you be quiet?!?!
(Submitted by Sebastian Bonegrinder) [0 votes]

Great gig... Up till the part when the lady emptied the contents of her chamberpot upon Bert.
(Submitted by Oleifr Oakenwulf) [0 votes]

it was the final straw, the catapault had ruined her thatch, the flaming arrows had destroyed the neighbor's house, and the battering ram had utterly ruined the woodworking on her door, and now they were playing "My Fair Lady" for the hundredth time. So
(Submitted by King of Fools) [0 votes]

The Prequel to Spinal Tap!
(Submitted by Simon Maurus) [0 votes]

Nurse Maid, Looking for Michael Jackson's baby, it's time for his feeding.
(Submitted by SteelOvaries) [0 votes]

Can I have my beads now?
(Submitted by Ysemay of the East) [0 votes]

Me Lord ! Me Lord ! thy seamstress quit !!!
(Submitted by Barb of Meridies) [0 votes]

Britney Spears Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandmother release her debut offering "Whoops, I did it again!"
(Submitted by Ærik the Penalt of Cumberland) [0 votes]

you guys suck
(Submitted by anon) [0 votes]

"We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some. . . ." "Well, they can think of this as 'figgy pudding' if they want, because it's all they're getting. I already gave the shirt off my back to the last group of carolers."
(Submitted by Brendan Pilgrim) [0 votes]

I love Mardi Gras!
(Submitted by Ian T. Sayen) [0 votes]

Back when there was something more offensive than Brittney Spears
(Submitted by Paula/Layla) [0 votes]

The donkey boys finally get a flash of tit (and a flash in the pan)
(Submitted by Paula/Layla) [0 votes]

I've heard of "chamber music" but this is ridiculous!
(Submitted by JF) [0 votes]

Its not just the hats that tell me you're a bunch of fools
(Submitted by Kiriel) [0 votes]

No matter how loudly you lament, she will always be washing her hair when you call.
(Submitted by Sir Yet to be Named) [0 votes]

It was during these medieval "mupete schaus" that the character of Lady Statler-Waldorf -- in later cleaned-up re-enactments for audiences of children, portrayed by two elderly male characters, rather than a naked lady -- expressed her comical disgust by
(Submitted by Erythrorhynchos of Atlantia) [0 votes]

Lady Godiva discourages yet another set of fanatic groupies.
(Submitted by Laurellen de Brandevin) [0 votes]

Short ribbon gets 15 minutes
(Submitted by SillyPseudonym) [0 votes]

And Christiana was thrown her first set of beads...
(Submitted by Grimr Einarsson) [0 votes]

Didn't you say you asked for homoganized?
(Submitted by Stanislav the Gatherer) [0 votes]

I said "SHUT UP!" It's four in the morning.
(Submitted by HL Donal O'Corchrain) [0 votes]

B-b-but I knew not she was thy sister!
(Submitted by Heloise de Noailles-les-Brive/East K.) [0 votes]

Another example of "The babe throwing out the bathwater"
(Submitted by Baron Goetz von der Krautlache (Calontir)) [0 votes]

After a few bad experiences with boiling oil, Godiva decided to stick to the equestrian sports.
(Submitted by Aida Machavelli) [0 votes]

Silence fell over the musicians as they noticed how cold Lady Godiva really was.
(Submitted by Master Juan Santiago) [0 votes]

Another meeting of the Musicians' Guild ended early.
(Submitted by A Naughty Apprentice) [0 votes]

What I want to know is, what are those jelly fish doing there in front of the musicians?
(Submitted by Lady Helena Handbasket) [0 votes]

Christmas carollers copping an eyeful
(Submitted by Reynardo the Red) [0 votes]

Venice was renound for its mobile dry-cleaning service, with music while you wait!
(Submitted by Sasha) [0 votes]

Unable to afford an indoor venue, musicians of only modest success were forced to play chamber-pot music (now with even more pot and less chamber!)
(Submitted by Sasha) [0 votes]

Next time, let me know you're coming.......
(Submitted by Elzbieta of Kracow (Montengarde)) [0 votes]

Oh Yeah! well just for that we're gonna play COUNTRY the rest of the night!
(Submitted by Owen) [0 votes]

She seems abreast of the situation.
(Submitted by SteelOvaries) [0 votes]

Oops, sorry, just emptying my chamber pot. Didn't even hear you!
(Submitted by Catiln Mugain) [0 votes]

Becoming a musician to get women has a long history, apparently. . .
(Submitted by Michael in the Outlands) [0 votes]

When they told her to let down her hair little did they know what she would do.
(Submitted by HL Cassaundra) [0 votes]

"That is a great song; for me to poop on!"
(Submitted by Marie du Dog) [0 votes]

no sense wailing over spoiled milk
(Submitted by A. the annoying) [0 votes]

"I threw you my combs, now here's my hair! Will you go away /now/?"
(Submitted by Siobhan ni Dhonnabhain) [0 votes]

Repunsil, after a bad night, lets down more than her hair...
(Submitted by Sirus Lucius) [0 votes]

“George, George! Stop tuning, I think we have the wrong window.” “No,” said George, “That’s (sigh ) her.”
(Submitted by Slaine) [0 votes]

"And now a toast...no, wait..."
(Submitted by Jerusha a'Laon, Atenveldt) [0 votes]

Everyone's a Critic
(Submitted by Magnus the black) [0 votes]

That fetish existed in the middle ages too?
(Submitted by James de Biblesworth) [0 votes]

Oblivious to audience, Tim grooves on lute
(Submitted by Isabeau- the Evil Over Seer) [0 votes]

Isabella tries to dissuade the minstrels by emptying her chamber pot on them
(Submitted by Ynes Garcia) [0 votes]

Flash!, This Just In!........Minstrels Receive crappy review, Wood cut at Vespers!
(Submitted by Njall Olaf Hagerson) [0 votes]

Welcome to Cuzzin Ragnar's Down-Home Topless Cajun Seafood Cabaret
(Submitted by Iustinos Tekton) [0 votes]

Will you people keep it down out there! We're trying to have sex!
(Submitted by Le Malicious Masquer) [0 votes]

"the towns people were overjoyed when the Emporer gave his new clothes to Ludmilla."
(Submitted by A. the Annoying) [0 votes]

Previous Versions of the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(Submitted by Kythe Szubielka) [0 votes]

Stephan Calvert deGrey
(Submitted by The latest review of the Wandering Mistrels Knowne Worlde Bordello tour was slightly less enthusiatic than had been hope) [0 votes]

The latest review of the Wandering Minstrels Knowne Worlde Bordello tour was slightly less enthusiastic than had been hoped for.
(Submitted by Stephan Calvert deGrey) [0 votes]

Minstrel bands and cramps...now you know the rest of the story.
(Submitted by Sirus Lucius) [0 votes]

Early Mardi Gras celebrations had it a little backwards . . .
(Submitted by Fiore Amati) [0 votes]

Oh. Well, then, maybe not seconds, either.
(Submitted by Katarina Peregrine) [0 votes]

Here - hey nonny nonny THIS!!!
(Submitted by Sir Valerian - Kingdom of Lochac) [0 votes]

A lovely rendition of "Ode to a Chamberpot"?
(Submitted by Alamanda de Claret) [0 votes]



The Quarter - Good comedy writes itself. We wrote this.