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Wacky Woodkut Kaption Kontest!

Last Issue's Woodkut The people have spoken! Here are the results of our on-line voting:

First place

The Chirurgeon's Handbook: Proper Period Method to Stop a Nosebleed: A Finger (Debate rages over whose finger to use.)
    — Submitted by Brynach

Second place (tie)

You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose
    — Submitted by Eve

While attempting to dupe the rube out of his wealth in ye Ole Shell game, Squire Norbert was caught (Red Nostril-ed?) hiding the pea up his nose.
    — Submitted by SteelOvaries

The entire list of entries, as well as the voting results, may be seen in the previous issue.

The submission and voting period are over
Here are the submissions our readers sent in, sorted by votes received:


Kaptions Submitted by Our Readers:

None of the populace had married outside the Barony in over four hundred years.
(Submitted by Ludwig Schmutziger) [15 votes]

Obviously "Necking" is not an option?
(Submitted by sasha) [2 votes]

Courtiers who didn't notice the king's bumper sticker, "CAUTION--This ruler makes sudden stops!"
(Submitted by Rosie Posie) [2 votes]

(Submitted by Kythe, Jester of Stonemarche) [2 votes]

Be an Asset to your Kingdom, Not an Asshat
(Submitted by Selena) [1 votes]

Perhaps, milady, we should have acknowledged each other's shots in our last fight. This dented head, lack of neck, and compacted torso is getting mighty old.
(Submitted by Rafn) [1 votes]

You mean our heads are in THERE?
(Submitted by Fauvel) [1 votes]

Early Wallachian anti-vampire fashions .
(Submitted by Flanna) [1 votes]

"Ah, I see thou hast also encountered Sir Tunnabrics' new mace on the field of battle."
(Submitted by HL Grian Ruadh, An Tir) [1 votes]

No. Not either Deep Throat.
(Submitted by Mary Ann Dimand) [1 votes]

Damn! The frog spell only half came off.
(Submitted by James de Biblesworth) [1 votes]

I AM looking you in the eyes!
(Submitted by Alric) [1 votes]

Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride Um-Hum
(Submitted by Muirgheal) [1 votes]

Your uncle is my What? Oh so we Are related.......
(Submitted by Kissin Kousyn) [1 votes]

Hey! A funny thing happened to me on the way to the peerage meeting...
(Submitted by Finn) [1 votes]

And you thought Elizabethan was uncomfortable...
(Submitted by servelle) [1 votes]

Obviously "Necking" is not an option?
(Submitted by sasha) [1 votes]

Here we have saints Bum and Rumpella, elevated for their ability to turn the other cheek four times.
(Submitted by James) [1 votes]

Well, if we wear these masks, then no one will guess where our heads went!
(Submitted by Veronica) [0 votes]

Yeah, they warned me about using botox too...
(Submitted by Fineamhain) [0 votes]

From across a crowded room their eyes met and they knew they had found the one person they had been looking for all their lives.
(Submitted by Stephan Calvert deGrey) [0 votes]

but-ter face's parents
(Submitted by Craven) [0 votes]

And I save a ton on new hats now!
(Submitted by Mi) [0 votes]

"everyones just trying to get ahead, even in period"
(Submitted by Samuel de Grac'e) [0 votes]

Him: "You get kicked in the crotch too?" Her: "5 times..right here"
(Submitted by Kith the Silent) [0 votes]

You drank the mystery punch too?
(Submitted by Conrad the Mad) [0 votes]

No! You already got a little head!
(Submitted by Beerslayer (Cynagua)) [0 votes]

I knew it! You ARE my long-lost twin.
(Submitted by Lady Vera z Czecznee) [0 votes]

"I submit that an 'Ass Couchant' heralds' party would be better attended..."
(Submitted by Kat) [0 votes]

I wore a lead helm and camail for all of Pennsic. What's your excuse?
(Submitted by Michelino di Martini, An Tir) [0 votes]

"I don't know (shrug), what do you want to do?" "I don't know (also shrugs), what do you want to do?"
(Submitted by Sovany Barcsi Janos) [0 votes]

"Head and shoulders hair potion my codpiece! I'll have that witch's head on a plate!"
(Submitted by Rafn) [0 votes]

Von Frankenstein, the Chirurgeon? Aye!
(Submitted by True) [0 votes]

Lady Gallantrie: "Sir Reginald, I *TOLDETH* thee thy Clockwork Horse Shoe-er needeth further developement afore demonstration to thy King!" Sir Reginald: "Shut thy piehole, Wench! Else I box thy ears down about thy shoul..... Oh, Nevermind."
(Submitted by The AirHawk) [0 votes]

"Its YOUR fault!" "I beg your pardon but you are the one that was speeding on the back of the horse thank you, if you had paid attention to the location of that wall...!"
(Submitted by C. Mhoraidh) [0 votes]

You wouldn't get that enema, either?
(Submitted by Vesta) [0 votes]

Eyes up, Frodo!
(Submitted by Vesta) [0 votes]

...survival of the fittest in the villiage of the Headless Horseman...
(Submitted by Risa) [0 votes]

After all this surgery and you still won't look me in the eyes?
(Submitted by Vesta) [0 votes]

"Ack Ahck ACK-ACK aack" What the SCA would look like if the Martians ever joined.
(Submitted by Bear) [0 votes]

I don't remember your name, but I never forget a face.
(Submitted by Baron Tor Von Butterberg) [0 votes]

The Altos IV Players Performance of "Shakespeare in Lust":
"I'm givin' you 5 seconds to get on your knees m'Lord."
"Down there?"

(Submitted by Rurik Lebedov) [0 votes]

I'll show her......'Off with 'is 'ead' she said.....
(Submitted by Africa) [0 votes]

I dare you, pull my finger, please.
(Submitted by Sean) [0 votes]

How to Finde Love at the Horseshoe Throwing Conteste
(Submitted by Heloise) [0 votes]

You know what that garb is missing... a Veil... A big, thick VEIL
(Submitted by Francisco Acero) [0 votes]

"After you packed for the event, you didn't have enough room for your head either, huh?"
(Submitted by Dmitri Skomorochov) [0 votes]

I see you called light a lot,too!
(Submitted by Tibor) [0 votes]

...ET phone home...see if ok to bring ladyfriend...
(Submitted by Lady Bethia, Atenveldt) [0 votes]

Eyes up...oh, never mind...
(Submitted by Icewolf) [0 votes]

Your butt and my face... or, wait, is it the other way around?
(Submitted by Rhys Wilkerson) [0 votes]

(Submitted by Rhys Wilkerson) [0 votes]

Ha The Guillotine doesn't worry us!
(Submitted by Patri de Buck) [0 votes]

In an attempt to improve their images, The Headless Horseman and Mary, Queen of Scots decide to attend a Mask Ball.
(Submitted by theKravenIlluminator) [0 votes]

Why do you always have to copy me?!
(Submitted by theKravenIlluminator) [0 votes]

And you told him over my dead body too, right?
(Submitted by theKravenIlluminator) [0 votes]

I am so very pleased that ruffs have gone out of fashion - now I can see your beautiful face my Lady.
(Submitted by Sir Valerian - Lochac) [0 votes]

Wow M'Lord, both your heads are shaped funny...heehee
(Submitted by Ed's Squire) [0 votes]

After an unfortunate double incident involving a horses rear end and hoof, Lord and Lady Cunningham compare notes
(Submitted by Lord Ferris) [0 votes]

"No, I asked if you HAVE some head!"
(Submitted by Evan Quicktongue) [0 votes]

Giants or not, next time the dwarf can get a bleedin' ladder!
(Submitted by Miguel F.) [0 votes]

Pull my finger.
(Submitted by Griz from the midrealm) [0 votes]

Senior Wensis: Saw'right? Senora Wensis: Saw'right! Saw'right!
(Submitted by Griz from the midrealm) [0 votes]

Shakespearean Intermission Advertising
(Submitted by theKravenIlluminator) [0 votes]

M'lady, perchance you have seen a very large goth with a very large mace?
(Submitted by Snorri Blodorn of Isenfir in fair Atlantia) [0 votes]

Early Dental Hygine Cartoons
(Submitted by -kathryn blaisdell) [0 votes]

The winners of Guillitine fashions week in Paris
(Submitted by theKravenIlluminator) [0 votes]

I say, how would you like to come back to Toad Hall for a nightcap?
(Submitted by Finn) [0 votes]

The Quarter - They Like Us In Lochac!