The Trimaris Fashion Report

To quote a rock band on their views of fashion: "Everyone looks naked when you know the world's address!" (And if you know who I'm quoting, you'll get a free t-shirt compliments of The Quarter!)(Offer expired)

CORONATION DAY My goodness, there were some great fashions happening that morning in court. While the actual scenario for Coronation court was going on, there were a lot of very nicely dressed people to watch. Duke Llewelyn, the mediator, was garbed from head to toe in purple — purple hood, purple tunic, purple dags — and did he wear that color well ! Duke Baldar, er, Arch-Duke Baldar (I gotta ask — is there even such a title, Master Tally?) ever the Viking in so many ways, strolled into court wearing his WWF Viking belt with a bevy of Viking babes in tow — and Master Geoffrey Maynard of York. You know, for a man who likes turtles, he certainly has some cool garb with them on it. His overtunic was adorned with turtles in a variety of colors, the neckline embellished with metal findings in the shape of turtles, and even his cool Viking necklace had crystal-like turtle beads in it! What a cool, congruent fashion statement! As Prince Gunnar entered court, an entourage of red and black clad soldiers accompanied him. It looked very impressive from the get-go. As Princess Anastasiya made her entrance, she and her soon-to-be-King husband matched perfectly. They both wore black and wore it well. Trimmed in gold and amber from head to toe, the two looked fab.

BEEFCAKE ALERT! Have you ever noticed Sir Erika's husband, Lord Lorcan? He's kinda a good-looking guy, isn't he? Did you get to see what a good-looking guy he really is? He was sporting some knuckle-biting, deserves-a-second-and-third-and-fourth-look gladiator armor that was just SO perfect, I mean, for all of us that enjoyed Kirk Douglas as Spartacus, if Lorcan had been in that arena, we would have been rooting for him to win instead! Not only is he handsome, tanned, and ready for combat, he's also a nice guy. He really is! So what will it take to get him to wear that at every event from now on? Inquiring minds want to know.

CONFIDENTIAL TO THE GOOD LOOKING BARON GUY: The female employees of The Quarter always find Herr Baron fashionable. If it seems that we just forgot about you in the last issue, well, it's just not true! We did notice you — and it's such a shame you'll not be wearing that chainmail anymore since Mittion stepped down. Oh, it was so sexy! And those beautiful leather boots, and that HUGE sword you carried around all reign, and that don't mess-with-me-I-can-kill-you-from-here look as you surveyed the populace from beside the King's throne. Hey, is it getting hot in here?

LETTER TO THE EDITOR: We here at the Trimarian Fashion Report Staff would like to lodge a complaint against this Kingdom and its poorly-timed events. It's only been two months since the last Kingdom event, and I haven't had the chance to go to anything else since then (especially St. George's Faire, which is the coolest of the cool events). How am I supposed to write a column when I am forced into an early deadline? I vote for a change — think I'll start a petition to move things around on the kingdom calendar a bit. Who's with me here?