Return Home

Mistress Abigaille?

Dear Mistress Abigaille

Advice from a real Peer -
so it must be good!

Dear Mistress Abigaille,

I'm kind of new to the SCA, but I've noticed that a lot of artisans are pretty uptight. A friend of mine was telling me that this is so common that when Trimaris designed the Argent Estoile award for the Arts, they chose the heraldic symbol for, um, a "sphincter" as the token. Is this really true?

- Naïve in Narval

Dear Naïve,

Yes, they are; and yes, it is.

Dear Mistress Abigaille,

There's this guy in our shire who has no concept of personal space. He'll stand about two inches away from us ladies when he's talking to us, and it makes us really uncomfortable. We've asked him not to stand so close, but he says he has to because of his poor eyesight (he does wear really thick glasses). However, I started getting REEEEEALLY suspicious about that excuse when he started shooting archery. And he doesn't stand that close to any of the GUYS in our group. How should we handle this guy? Please help!

- Creeped Out

Dear Creeped,

You've tried the socially acceptable solutions (which, unsurprisingly, didn't work in the twisted context of the SCA), now try these:

  1. Mace (the spray or the weapon)
  2. Knee to the groin
  3. Molasses in his shorts (if you can stand to be that close)
  4. Air horn whenever he tries to speak to you

Good luck!

Got a perplexing SCA-related dilemma? E-mailo Mistress Abigaille


The Quarter - If someone isn't offended, it probably isn't funny!