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Top Ten Signs You're Dating a Laurel

10. After your date, he fills out a judging form.

9. She always giggles when you buy her nonpareil candies.

8. When you agreed to go in to "see his etchings", he actually showed you his etchings.

7. After the violinist you paid for moves away from your table, she sniffs, "Well, at least he played enthusiastically."

6. His period tent is larger and better furnished than your apartment.

5. She doesn't remember the plot of the movie you took her to, but she can describe all of the costumes.

4. He's a portly man with a bowler and a toothbrush moustache. Oh, wait, that's a sign that you're dating a Hardy.

3. She refuses to try anything in the bedroom that's not described in the book "Sex in Elizabethan England".

2. He asks to see the documentation for the love poem you wrote for him.

1. As you romantically undress each other, she critiques the construction of your garb.

The Quarter - Laugh while you can, monkey boy!