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Mistress Abigaille?

Dear Mistress Abigaille

Advice from a real Peer -
so it must be good!

Dear Mistress Abigaille:

I am a squire and am having a slight dilemma involving my knight. The problem is he talks a lot. He is always telling everyone the same stories over and over again. I have heard the tale of how he discovered "the finer points of glaive technique for individuals under five feet tall" over 800 times! Is there anything I can do?

— Zadabutu Idikami

Dear Zadabutu,

Is that your real name? Does your knight read The Quarter? Is that what you're hoping, that he'll read this and recognize his little annoying character flaw and stop repeating himself? Not likely. This is The Quarter, after all, we're no or Dude, you can try to discourage him by assigning numbers to each of his stories and then shout out the number when he launches into the corresponding narrative. But I think you and I both know that your only recourse is to wear earplugs.

Mistress Abigaille:

I feel that peers should embody the most noble of our society's attributes at all times. To be a peer is to continually prove one's worthiness of the accolade, in my mind. I get discouraged when I see them talking in court, smoking, or entering the restroom. Can you help me overcome my disillusionment? I want to believe...

— Disillusioned in Drachenwald

Dear Disillusioned,

so sorry to break it to you, but even peers fart. (Well, the male peers do, everyone knows that ladies don't pass gas, but that's the subject of another column.) What I'm trying to say is, peers are people too, sometimes we have a bad day, don't feel well, things don't go our way, and we might frown when we should smile. We try our best, but it happens. Hey, sometimes someone who isn't a peer is rude to us, should we be disappointed in all the non-peers because some aren't always nice to us?

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