Take That, Mudgeon!
A Herald's Response to "What Me Think"
As mentioned in Issue 20 of The Quarter, we got a pro-herald manifesto in response to one of Mudgeon McGrumpypants' columns. Although we couldn't print it in the paper edition of the newsletter, we've certainly got enough space to run it here, unedited, in all its glory.
Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 09:10:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: <actual address suppressed>
Subject: What me think/Heraldry Unleashed
To: kathryne@thequarter.org
Ok,so The Quarter has taken up the age old Scadian Sport of Herald Bashing,well at least you are slightly better than average at it,but only slightly.Keep Practicing(which I am sure you will) In time you may become quite good at it (Don't Hold Your Breathe!)
Now about some of the uneducated points made in the last Issue,
#1 18 Heralds,too many.. NO Way,With the way the Peerages and Populace continues to burn out Heralds with their continued uneducated harassment,we need as many as we can get! (after all its the Heralds that allow the SCA to keep its 501c3 status for education,gods know that no one else bothers to educate about the Middle Ages anymore)
#2 Jack Herald-Of course we need him... NO One else Knows JACK!
#3 Seacat Herald- You are right which is another reason we need more Heralds,he needs a secretary!
#4 Lymphadd Herald-No he does'nt lose paperwork,he sends it to Laurel where they lose it!
#5 Sextant Herald-Hmm have to research that, don't have enough awards to lose one.
#6 Chart Signet- Does a great job! Has the whole College of Scribes to help!
#7 Braque Herald- Because of the above is not as busy as they once were
#9 Caravel Herald- I do not know about the ice cream,but I am very glad his lady wife can cook,the poor man needs some reward after hours of dealing with the moods of Pointy Hats!
#10 Trireme Herald- Its not her fault that from the Chivalry down to the lowest stick jock,they are a bunch of smelly,uneducated folks that are incapable of spelling or even writing their name legibly.
#11 Sundial Herald- Someone has to do it.
#12-Ensign Herald- some one has to make sure that Caligula does'nt live again,The Staff of The Quarter trys hard enough to reenact the Roman Senate.
#13 Archive Herald- The populace keeps killing them off,but somehow another magically appears.
#14 Dhow Herald- The Kingdom seems to have a shortage of Artists actually willing to be of service so we had to hold the one that was!
#15 Hulk Herald- He stays around so when folks bash the Lymphadd too hard and make him try to run away,the Hulk holds him in place so he can't get away and like all Heralds his best color is Green!
#16 The Mast Herald- It is actually a very useful office,He keeps the Crown entertained while the rest of the Heralds do their jobs.
#17 The Keel Herald- Now I ask you,would you moderate 80 Heralds running off at the mouth without at least a Title?
#18- Triskele Herald-The man deserves a Medal,Do you know how hard it is to get two Trimarians to do what they are suppose to at the same time? He has 18 and they are not just Trimarians,They are Heralds! (who are famous for never being able to agree on anything)
I hope this answers a few of your questions, I left out the Sea Panther Herald for we all Know he is the current reigning God of Heraldry in Trimaris and needs no Defense!
I remain yours in service to the Crown,Kingdom and CoH of Trimaris,
Lady Ann I Mouse
He who speaks truth should keep one foot in stirupp! Old Turkish Proverb
Rank avails you nothing,courtesy gains you friends,friends are a wealth that does not tarnish. Anon.
The blade is only as good as the one who wields it.. unknown
We're not entirely certain what Ms. Mouse means when she compares us to the Roman Senate, but we're taking it as a compliment. Ave atque vale! Semper ubi, sub ubi! SPQR!