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A is for Asne, that's good enough for me...

The New SCA Dictionary

(An Updated "Who's Who and What's What")

Sure, everyone reads the "Known World Handbook" when they first join, and it does a pretty good job of explaining some basic SCA concepts. But now that you've been in the Society for a little while, it's time you learned some advanced terms!

A&S Competition: the polite way of spelling "Anus Competition".

Aryental: a tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed SCAdian with a Samurai persona.

Blush-hush: the phenomenon of a crowded, noisy room suddenly lapsing into silence at the precise moment you say an incredibly embarrassing word.

Breakfidential: the practice of not informing other event attendees that breakfast is being served, in hopes of having more for oneself.

Classhole: someone who, while attending an A&S class, continually attempts to prove that they know more than the teacher. See redundancer.

Constable: someone charged with enforcing site rules against alcohol, open fires, etc., but who frequently fails to do so for fear of being unpopular, especially when a Peer is the one violating the rules. See Dry site.

Dry site: a site at which alcohol is consumed from unmarked containers, in order to comply with a "no alcohol" clause in the site contract. See Honor.

Cous-cous: a dish guaranteed to be served at every feast while a Middle Eastern persona is on the Throne.

Family-Style Feast: a meal in which one large dish is brought to each table and passed around for the diners to serve themselves. Theoretically, each is to take a fair and equal portion; in practice, the dish is empty by the time it gets to the last person.

Feedbackup: the bag of hamburgers waiting in the Royal Cabin, just in case feast is inedible.

Handicratted: the inability to find a golf cart to transport a legitimately disabled person, because they've all been taken by event staff, constables and Pelicans.

Honor: a somewhat nebulous concept by which others' actions may be judged. In general, actions of which the speaker approves are labeled as "honorable", and actions which the speaker deplores are called "dishonorable".

Incommunicrato: the phenomenon in which publication of an event flyer inevitably results in the event staff experiencing disconnected phone lines, computer problems, and other mishaps which prevent them from being contacted or returning messages.

J-Berries: a medical condition frequently resulting from the unimpeded generation of scrotons (q.v.)

Nonouncement: the practice by some site heralds of reading the morning announce-ments in a voice soft enough to avoid waking anybody up. See breakfidential.

Outjudge: to try and prove you know more than the other judges by finding the most things wrong with an ArtSci entry. See A&S Competition.

Oyez Gallery: the people who take it upon themselves to scream "Oyez!" in the middle of someone else's announcement, causing more of an interruption than the people they were trying to shut up.

Poolchained: missing all the stuff going on at an event, because you were the only lifeguard on site. See scroll-locked.

Pursui-vent: to heap abuse upon a herald.

Redundancer: someone who, unsatisfied with the pace of teaching or the selection of dances chosen for the ball, attempts to wrest control from the official dancemaster. See classhole.

Rules for Submission: the means by which heralds exact revenge for incidents of pursui-venting (q.v.)

Scroll-locked: missing all the stuff going on at an event, because you were the only calligrapher on site (those award scrolls just don't write themselves!) See poolchained.

Scrotons: subatomic particles emanating from the groin, which apply a strong attractive force to an opponent's sword. Scrotrons are partially blocked by athletic cups, which is why the failure to wear groin protection greatly increases the chances of being hit there. See J-Berries.

Trollback: a line of cars waiting to leave site, because the guy coming in didn't think to pull out of the way while he filled out the NCR form.

Tuchux Romance: taking the time to wink before asking, "Wanna &%$#?"

The Quarter - Be afraid. Be very afraid.