Dear Mistress Abigaille

Advice from a real Peer -
so it must be good!

Dear Mistress Abigaille,

I'm just not happy in my relationship with my lord. It all started when I began making garb for him, (I'll call him Nebbish) hoping that he would notice me beyond my skills as a seamstress. He is an excellent fighter and I really have wanted nothing else but to be Queen since I joined the SCA. After investing much time and money in making clothing for him, Nebbish finally agreed to wear my token, but I couldn't be seen talking to him. He said it was to protect me from vicious rumors that might be spread about us. I agreed, as his reputation wasn't the best. He promised that we could be seen in public together soon, as soon as people quit talking about "the bagpipe incident", whatever that was. That was several months ago. Now I'm still paying for and making all of his garb, AND sleeping with him, but TMT is coming up and he has not committed to fighting for me! What am I doing wrong?

— Signed, Anxious

Dear Anxious,

You did not mention what type of garb you are sewing for Nebbish. Is it early or late period? You know, nothing puts a fighting Swamp Lord of Trimaris in the mood for amour like a tight, fitted doublet made of hot, heavy fabric, a lace ruff, puffy pants, and a gigantic codpiece. Yes, surprise your man with Elizabethan garb, insist that he put it on for Court after a long day at the bear pit melee, and watch the sparks fly! You'll be Queen in no time!

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Confidential to "My Eyes Are Still Burning": It's called an A frame. I can only assume that those individuals are basing their encampment on the writings of A. N. Roquelaire. While this makes for interesting reading for adults, perhaps "Life in a Medieval Village", though less racy, would have more practical hints to offer. Hope your vision returns soon!)