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From the people who brought you The SCA Pop Psychology Quiz and
The Quarter's Guide to Avoiding Love in the SCA, We Now Present -

The Quarter's Guide to Trimarian GUILDS

Are you looking for something to do with your spare time at events? During the summer months, the choice is plain: sit in the hall and enjoy the air conditioning! But now that it's almost bearable to be outside, you might think about doing something new!

What is it with knights playing bass in this kingdom?

And what better way than to join a guild? Guilds are full of people who all share the same goal: being able to tell the autocrat that you'd love to help him clean the bathrooms, but unfortunately your guild meeting is just about to start. But a wonderful side benefit is that you may find yourself hiding from the autocrat with people who share your interests on other topics as well!

There are nearly as many guilds as there are activities within the SCA. We don't have the space to cover them all, so we'll mention a few of the more prominent Trimarian guilds.

The Brewers', Vintners' and Distillers' Guild-
What kind of a pathetic drunk do you take me for?

Omnes Hic, or "All Things Alcoholic" is the motto of this guild, and they certainly live up to it! Beer, wine, liqueurs, Tranya, Everclear -- if it contains C2H5OH, these guys will make and drink it! They use the traditional three-tiered guild system; Apprentice Vintners become Journeymen Vintners when they can drink all the existing Journeymen under the table; a similar graduation test is administered to potential Master Vintners. On dry sites, to foil detection by teetotaling camp owners, this guild calls itself by the name "Asgard".

Hey, this is a family publication!
The Pisciphiles' Guild-

Indulging an interest in period fishing methods, this guild frequently goes on trips when there's no event on the calendar (as the things they catch in the lakes and ponds at SCA sites generally have ribs rather than scales). Learn how to weave fishing nets, tie period flies, and raise period breeds of worms. As with most Trimarian guilds, this one uses the traditional guild structure; new members join as Apprentice Baiters.

The Gatorade Carriers' Guild-
Because the name 'Waterbearers' Guild' was already taken.

Trimaris is undoubtedly the least pleasant kingdom for fighters (since we have two weeks of winter, and fifty weeks of liquid hot magma), so without this guild, the mortality rate amongst Trimarian fighters would undoubtedly be at least ten times what it is now. Members learn how to make a 1-quart bottle of Gatorade last for an entire Crown Lyst by mixing it with copious quantities of dihydrogen monoxide. Each guild meeting begins with a prayer of thanks that Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida, and not its rival, Florida State. (Don't laugh -- would you want to carry around a bottle of Seminole Fluid?)

The Musical Arts Guild of Trimaris-
It not only LAYS the golden eggs, it also SLICES them!

Originally called the "Minstrels' Guild", it was quickly discovered that putting on blackface and singing "Mammy" was considered offensive, even here in the South. Eschewing the traditional guild structure and titles, this guild uses a collegiate title for the upper tier, and no titles for anyone in the lower tier. While this guild originally implemented a testing system for advancement within the guild, it now uses the more inclusive system of "if you think you're good at something, give yourself a ribbon for it." This has resulted in ribbon shortages at local Jo-Ann Fabrics stores, but has certainly made for a more colorful display at events!

The Limner's Guild-

A guild originally intended for artisans who enjoyed painting miniature portraits and landscapes; unfortunately, once the guild's charter had been signed by the Crown, it was pointed out that the placement of the apostrophe in the name indicated that it was a guild for only one person, so everyone except the Guildmaster was dropped from the rolls. Membership has remained closed since that time.

The Guilded Purl-

A rather narrow-focus guild, membership is open to anyone interested in Elizabethan knitting techniques. At the upcoming Winter ArtSci, this guild intends to put on a demonstration of how to make clocked stockings using a standing frame, which sounds like it'll be a rollicking good time for all, whatever it is.

The Guildmasters' Guild-

A guild for people who run other guilds, the Guildmasters' Guild is an invaluable source. Members share advice on topics like: creating a pseudo-Peerage ceremony for the induction of new members; how to get a two-page article in every Kingdom newsletter regardless of how many officers need space; advanced toilet-cleaning avoidance; and much more!

A typical Guild meeting?

The Quarter - No One Is Safe!