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Mistress Abigaille?

Dear Mistress Abigaille

Advice from a real Peer -
so it must be good!

Dear Mistress Abigaille:

What course of action do you recommend when one discovers that your highly-coveted (and high-priced) seat at feast is directly opposite a small shrieking child whose revolting table manners are only exceeded by those of their parents? My new court garb meant that murder was not an option.

- Queasy Diner

Dear Diner,

We join the SCA to escape reality, and yet it follows us into the club. How many times have you been to a nice restaurant, only to have your fine dining experience ruined by drooling, screaming, up-chucking children? In the restaurant, you'd speak to the maitre d', right? The SCA equivalent would be the hall steward. If that fails, take matters into your own hands and hold an impromptu child auction.

Dear Mistress Abigaille:

When watching one's budget to be able to afford to attend an SCA event, which is a better grocery choice—ramen noodles or mac 'n cheese?

- Hungry for my Hobby

Dear Hungry,

It's really a toss-up. Ramen noodles are surprisingly high in fat, but only require water. Mac 'n cheese, not surprisingly high in fat, calls for margarine and milk to also reside in your pantry. Either way, a diet high in these items may cause you to outgrow your court garb faster than you can say 'Richard Simmons'.

Dear Mistress Abigaille:

I had heard of a point system to score your liaisons with those gentles of varying rank. In a recent discussion with a landed baron, he said that he only counted for one point. Is this true? Could you please relay the actual scoring system to me?

- Looking for an Abacus

Dear Looking,

It depends on the kingdom. Here in Trimaris, you can't toss a squire without the red belt landing on a court baron or baroness, yet we only have three baronies, so here the landed variety would have more points. As I said, it varies by kingdom, but a typical score sheet might look something like this:

Reigning Monarch: 50 points
Duke or Duchess: 10
Earl or Countess: 4
Landed Baron or Baroness: 3
Knight: 3
Laurel: 2
Pelican: -1

It's all fun and games, just please don't come down with the dreaded "belt-chaser syndrome". Once you catch this, you'll get no enjoyment from the SCA until you bag a big Crown Lyst contender and get him to make you queen. The only cure for this syndrome is to get a life.

SEND your perplexing SCA-related dilemma to Mistress Abigaille


The Quarter - Chaos, panic, disorder... our work here is done.